Excerpts from "Advice for kids with 9/11 questions"
September 11, 2005
New York Daily News(Article in entirety, follows)
"I feel sad," said nine-year-old Peter Hughes, with his family at
a memorial service yesterday honoring 9/11 in front of City Hall in
Greenwich, Connecticut.
The service had a special meaning for me, with a performance of
the song composed by a graduate student of mine from Columbia
University Teachers College, Russell Daisey, with my help giving the
lyrics a psychologically healing bent. "Towers of Light"--referring to
the two blue lights that have shone every year in the place of the
fallen towers--is a song about healing from the pain of loss that day.
Every time I hear the song, I get chills. The word are meant to take us
from hopelessness and despair to hope and healing.
"Towers of Light, shine in the night, a pathway to the stars.
Souls taking flight, move to the light. Where they become new stars." "They tell us to get back to normal, but normal's so far from my mind.
I'm looking for some knid of closure...to leave all this madness
behind.
But right now let's honor the heroes, who sacrificed all for our lives.
There must be a far greater purpose...where love over hatred survives."
At the first anniversary of 9/11, the song was given to Presidnet Bush
during a ceremony in the pit at Ground Zero. Two weeks ago, I played
the CD at a world conference in Buenos Aires, during my speech about
peace efforts.
Daisey, a professional musician who has performed for former presidents
Clinton and Bush, and at venues like Town Hall, played keyboards to the
Judy Garland-like voice of singer and good friend, Juliana Oliveri. For Oliveri this was a special day for several reasons. She lost many
hospitality colleagues at Windows on the World.
In addition, she said, "I'm about to start chemotherapy for leukemia
treatment this week, and this is a very important experience to feel
alive and do something useful for others."
A father approached Oliveri
after she sang "Towers of Light" and told her that the song was
particularly moving to him because his son had died in the north tower
and he sometimes found it difficult to express how he felt about it...
At Father Michael's invitation, Daisey and Oliveri performed "Towers of
Light" at the church service.
The sanctuary -- with doors wide open to let in the light -- was packed
as the priest acknowledged the special addition of the song to the
service. Eleven members of the congregation had died in the towering
inferno and the song offered them and the whole community hope.
"Appreciate the many blessings that God has given us," invoked Father
Michael.
Acceptance, forgiveness, and appreciation are crucial to cope with the
unfathomable.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2005 BEGINNING OF
COMPLETE ARTICLE:
"Advice for kids with 9/11 questions"
"I feel sad, " said nine-year-old Peter Hughes, with his family at a
memorial service yesterday honoring 9/11 in front of City Hall in
Greenwich, Connecticut.
His older brother Jonathan, 12, agreed it was a sad day, but being part
of the Greenwich Boys and Girls Honor Guard that raised the American
flag, he felt, "It's great that kids get to help out with this, showing
that kids know what's going on, that we do care, and that we can make a
difference."
The brothers have sometimes asked questions about 9/11, their
mother told me. "It's difficult," she said, "I tell them that there are
people in this world that don't like us, that unfortunately we have to
deal with. But the majority of people in the world are good, and that's
what we have to hold on to."
Perfect advice to give to children of all ages. All parents
should use the opportunity of the September 11 anniversary to tell
their kids that message.
The boys' father, Christopher Hughes, is a resident who came up
with the idea of holding the memorial service for the last three years.
The tony community lost twenty three members when the Twin towers fell.
Most of the men worked for Cantor Fitzgerald.
"I felt something had to be done to honor our community," said Hughes.
Young and old filled chairs set out on the lawn in front of the
city hall, as local honor guards of firemen, police and emergency
service personnel paid tribute to their fallen comrades, placing
wreaths beside the American flag with the names of all who perished, as
bagpipes played Amazing Grace ("I once was lost but now am found. Once
was blind but now I see").
Tears flowed down some cheeks as three honor guards set off three
cannon shots in honor of those who perished, and saluted to the sound
of taps.
Speaking from the podium, Hughes said, "We hope our spirits will
be lifted, our hearts will be consoled, and that peace in our thoughts
will be stronger than ever."
First selectman Jim Lash's office was on the 92nd floor of the
south tower and wondered when he worked there in the early 1990s what
it would have been like if he had to walk down in an emergency. He
offered a note of optimism, as a board member of the East West
Institute, trying to resolve tensions between powers by getting to know
one another and fostering trust. A local politician, he reassured
residents that safety was being improved with new emergency generators
and responding plans.
The service had a special meaning for me, with a performance of
the song composed by a graduate student of mine from Columbia
University Teachers College, Russell Daisey, with my help giving the
lyrics a psychologically healing bent. "Towers of Light" Referring to
the two blue lights that have shone every year in place of the fallen
towers -- is a song about healing from the pain of loss that day.
Every time I hear the song, I get chills. The words are meant to take us from hopelessness and despair to hope and healing.
"Towers of Light, shine in the night, a pathway to the stars.
Souls taking flight, move to the light. Where they become new stars."
"They tell us to get back to normal, but normal's so far from my mind.
I'm looking for some kind of closureÉ to leave all this madness behind.
But right now let's honor the heroes, who sacrificed all for our lives.
There must be a far greater purpose where love over hatred survives."
At the first anniversary of 9/11, the song was given to President
Bush during the ceremony in the pit at Ground Zero. Two weeks ago, I
played the CD at a world conference in Buenos Aires, during my speech
about peace efforts.
Daisey, a professional musician who has performed for former
presidents Clinton and Bush, and at venues like Town Hall, played
keyboards to the Judy Garland-like voice of singer and good friend,
Juliana Oliveri.
For Oliveri this was a special day for several reasons. She lost many hospitality colleagues at Windows on the World.
In addition, she said, "I'm about to start chemotherapy for
leukemia treatment this week, and this is a very important experience
to feel alive and do something useful for others."
A father approached Oliveri after she sang "Towers of Light" and
told her that the song was particularly moving to him because his son
had died in the north tower and he sometimes found it difficult to
express fully how he felt about it.
Fire department lieutenant Gordiski also found the song moving,
since he was a first responder and "worked through the piles there" at
Ground Zero, working nights to help his fellow New York City
firefighters.
"It was scary and traumatic for everyone. We had to pick through debris and fallen holes," he said.
I felt a connection to the lieutenant, as all of us who worked
there at that time felt, since I too, had offered disaster relief at
Ground Zero on the night shift, in the shadow of the eerily beautiful
night light shining through the building remains standing defiantly
above the death and devastation.
It was not, however, the most horrific scene the seasoned
lieutenant had seen, recalling one fire where he had to crawl over a
baby.
"I had a kid, and that stays with you," he told me.
Then there was the Stouffers fire in Harrison New York about
eighteen years earlier where there were body parts everywhere, he
recalled. And, in the Greenwich Gulliver's Fire, he came upon
teenagers' burned bodies, sitting at tables in a disco, next door to a
bowling alley where an arsonist had started the fire to cover up his
robbery.
"Nothing prepares you for what happened on 9/11, but I had already seen horrible things," said the lieutenant.
I had another moment of connection with local Red Cross mental
health responder Gail Monchik who offered emotional support after 9/11.
She explained, "We worked with families for up to two years who had no
closure and were still hoping beyond hope that their loved one would be
alive somewhere in some hospital."
Other people who worked in the area were scared to go back to work.
"I told one client I would keep my cell phone on and be with you
by phone as you get off the subway and give you moral support," she
told me.
This support technique -- being there with the person while they
return to the trauma situation -- is an exceptionally valuable one,
which I used in helping Sri Lankan tsunami survivors go back to the
sea, the site where so many loved ones died and homes were lost.
Some never forget -- nor should they -- keeping the memory of
their loved ones alive. Even those who did not lose a loved one, need
to remember to cherish every day, and "not to sweat the small stuff" as
life and every moment is too precious to waste on anger, upset,
arguments, and stress.
"Things will never be the same, we lost our national innocence but we hope things will be better," said one resident.
"It means a great deal to come together with the community," said another, Stuart Reider, who knew neighbors who died.
Psychologically, such human connection and overcoming alienation
is the silver lining in the dark cloud of any tragedy, whether 9/11,
hurricane Katrina, or the Asian tsunami. Extensive and tragic loss of
life and property can only be eventually accepted in light of people
reaffirming love not hate, and coming together as partners, families, a
community, and the larger community of the world.
Father Michael, the priest from the nearby St. Michael the
Archangel Roman Catholic Church, made an invocation, recalling how in
Jewish, Christian and Muslim scripture God gives us a wonderful world,
but sometimes there are tragedies that come from natureÉor from people.
"When something happens like September 11th, we can react in
several ways," he explained. "We can become angry, we can pause and
pray, we can become filled with fear, or, we can be moved to help. The
latter is the best reaction."
The priest was reassured by watching youngsters going to CVS and
Costco to put packages of toothpaste, toilet paper and shampoo together
for people suffering from hurricane Katrina who did not have the
comforts we all enjoyed this very morning.
How poignant. Research shows that helping others helps yourself.
Volunteering can alleviate health problems and foster not only better
attitudes but healthier bodies.
"We sometimes pray about the little aches and pains that we have
and if you put them into context of what other people have suffered,
they're really nothing," said the priest.
It would be good to pause and remember not just those who died,
but those who are alive, so that we never take them for granted, as
spouses, parents, children, brothers and sisters, friends.
At Father Michael's invitation, Daisey and Olivieri performed "Towers of Light" at the church service.
The sanctuary Ð with doors wide open to let in light -- was
packed as the priest acknowledged the special addition of the song to
the service. Eleven members of the congregation had died in the
towering inferno and the song offered them and the whole community hope.
"Appreciate the many blessings that God has given us," invoked Father Michael.
Acceptance, forgiveness, and appreciation are crucial to cope with the unfathomable.
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